“I’ll Only Love You If…”

“I’ll Only Love You If…” — The Dangerous Myth of Conditional Love

Imagine this: your best friend comes to you — heart open, vulnerable, trembling — and tells you, “I’m gay.”

And instead of embracing him, you disown him.

Really?

That’s what love looks like?

No. That’s not love. That’s control. That’s fear dressed up as morality. That’s “I’ll only love you if…” — which is the very definition of conditional love.

It’s saying:

“I’ll love you as long as you live how I want you to live.”

“I’ll accept you — but only if you don’t make me uncomfortable.”

That’s not love.
That’s a contract.
That’s ego.
That’s attachment to an image, not connection to a person.

When you love someone unconditionally, you don’t say:

“I’ll love you only if you’re straight.”

“Only if you never struggle.”

“Only if you make me proud in ways that feel good to me.”

You say:

“I love you. Period.”

Unconditional love says:

“I may not understand, but I’m here.”

“This doesn’t change who you are to me.”

“Your truth doesn’t threaten my love — it deepens it.”

Because real love — deep love — doesn’t shrink when someone reveals their truth.
It expands.

Conditional love isn’t love. It’s approval.

Let’s call it what it is. When love is based on someone meeting your expectations, it’s not love — it’s approval.

And when you withdraw love because someone is gay, or different, or changing in ways you didn’t expect, you’re saying:

“You only get love from me when it’s easy for me to love you.”

And that’s not love. That’s a leash.

If someone has to hide who they are to keep your love, that love becomes a prison.

Whether it’s your friend, your partner, your child, or yourself — no one should have to trade authenticity for affection.

Because love — real love — doesn’t ask people to shrink.
It asks you to stretch.

Stretch your understanding.
Stretch your heart.
Stretch beyond fear, beyond judgment, beyond what feels safe and known.

If your friend comes out to you and you disown them — that’s not about them.
That’s about your own limits.

It’s a mirror asking: Where does my love end? And why?

But if your friend comes out to you, and you say:

“Thank you for trusting me. I love you.”

“You’re still you. And I’m still here.”

That’s not just love.
That’s healing.
That’s holy.
That’s how we change the world — one brave moment of unconditional love at a time.

Lots of love always,

Nicoline C Walsh

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